2017 Marketing Buzzwords
These days I feel like Billy Joel. Why?
“Everybody’s talkin’ ‘bout the new marketing,
Funny, but it’s still just marketing to me”
2016 was an incredible year for marketing buzzwords. But hold on to your hats because 2017 is forecast to be 163% more ‘buzzy’ (no citation). So with tongue firmly placed in cheek, let’s recap on the last 12 months ‘cool jargon’ before predicting the up and coming 2017 marketing buzzwords.
Rubbish 2016 Marketing Buzzwords
These words and the people who continue to use them during 2017 are to be treated with utter contempt. And for this reason alone, you should read this article before your coworkers.
Isn’t that what marketing has always been about?
Can’t see the patterns in your tea leaves? Get a ginormous cup and a whole chest of tea. Is that any better dear?
Or just marketing. My favourite example is ‘The Richest Man in Babylon’, written in 1926.
Apparently customers arrived by Penny Farthing prior to 2016.
Not making stuff up or guessing. Radical marketing progress!
A Teflon coated customer journey.
To make a mundane task seem enjoyable. The only way to get Millennials to do any work.
In Real Life (IRL)
What the kids call reality. Except we are all trapped in The Matrix.
Automatically adding prospects back into your email list once they unsubscribe.
Those little important steps before customers splash the cash.
Desktop last? Hamburger menus on websites irrespective of what device you’re using. Test and learn folks.
How to lie better in your ‘oral marketing’.
A well known and respected know-it-all. Or what you call yourself to get speaking gigs.
By the end of 2016 Larry Kim of Wordstream exhausted the internet’s entire collection of unicorn images. Wikipedia is appealing for donations so more unicorn images can be created. Let’s face it, they don’t need the money for anything else.
Stuff that you wear that does erm, does stuff. At least until the company is sold to a competitor.
Shiny New 2017 Marketing Buzzwords
This year’s buzzwords are to be sprinkled liberally into every meeting and email like magical fairydust until they rise to the highest echelons of the C-suite. Get your CEO or Chairman to quote one of these babies and it’s 50 house points to Gryffindor.
Account Based Marketing (ABM)
Joined up sales and marketing. Phew, at last!
AI & Machine Learning
The future of everything. At least until Sarah Connor shows up.
AR & VR
Augmented reality and virtual reality. If you don’t already have these in your marketing strategy, you’re toast.
Trying to work out what the f*ck is responsible for new business. The suits like the kind of certainty this gives them to fund another round.
A distributed, decentralised database for the internet age. The current answer to any problem that Microsoft Access solved in the past.
Data Management Platform (DMP)
Software that manages online ad audience data such as cookie IDs and segments. DMPs will be cheaper than chips in 2017, apparently.
Demand Side Platform (DSP)
Software that allows online advertisers to manage campaigns and bids on multiple ad exchange networks. Pint anyone?
Growth hacking for grown ups. Looking after the customer from cradle to grave. Leads and conversions are dead. It’s all about LTV, baby.
Tree hugging term deployed whenever a half-baked dog’s breakfast of marketing ideas is presented to a client as an integrated plan.
See AR & VR.
Internet of Things (IoT)
Milk will be automagically delivered to your fridge by drone even if you are lactose intolerant and on holiday for the next two weeks. Any teething problems with the technology will be blamed on Russian and Chinese hackers.
Definitely happening this year. And every year since Don Peppers and Martha Rogers wrote The One to One Future back in 1996.
Getting hard-up D-list celebs and bloggers to flog your stuff before it’s finally outlawed.
The future of online ad buying. Ads bought by software and then viewed by software. We can all go to the pub instead.
Remarketing Lists for Search Ads (RLSA)
Showing search ads only to people who have visited your website previously. “Come Back – We Really Do Love You…”
To ‘do a Ritson’ is to publically complain why you aren’t as famous and well regarded as all the undereducated Johnny-come-lately marketers on Twitgram.
Welcome back to the age of print. Time to dust off that letterpress and open a boutique print shop downtown. Don’t forget to grow a beard, you hipster.
Have I missed any 2017 marketing buzzwords?
“Hot branding, cool leads, even if it’s old tease,
It’s still just marketing to me”
Let me know in the comments.
Billy Joel photo: slgckgc